How we found out

It was Friday, cycle day 40. I had not seen hide nor hair of Aunt Flo. I was going to call my doctor's office and ask for a prescription of Provera, used to induce your period. This is what I have done in the past when my period was lasting very long. I decided not to call and wait till Monday, cycle day 43, since I had my yearly appointment that day. The day of my appointment I decided to take a home pregnancy test. There was a very very very faint line. It was so faint that I thought it was in my head. Wishful thinking or something. If you have been trying to conceive you know the feeling of looking at a test, whether it is a home pregnancy test (hpt) or an ovulation test (opk). I would look at my tests, turning them this way and that way in the light. Standing on one foot, holding your nose, and hopping across the bathroom :-) just joking, or am I?! Anyway, I so did not think that this was an actual positive hpt. So I went on to the doctor anticipating that they would prescribe me provera. When I arrived at the doctor's office that day the nurse called me back and started taking all of my vitals and getting information from me. She asked when my last period was. I told her 7/20, I'm on cycle day 43, I'm probably going to need Provera. She suggested that we do a urine pregnancy test there in the office. I was thinking that it was a waste of time but I did it anyway. The urine pregnancy test at the doctor's office also came back negative. When I had my appointment with the doctor she said that she could not determine if I was pregnant or not from my physical exam and she wanted to do a blook pregnancy test (bpt). Again, I was thinking that it was a waste of time. I had my blood drawn and went on my merry way, expecting that I would get the call that would crush my heart and spirit, a negative pregnancy test. I called Steve on my way home and told him that the doctor wanted to do a bpt. I told him "wouldn't that be something?". We agreed that it would be something if I was pregnant, especially this month, the month we "stopped" trying. I told him I would pick up supper on my way home and see him in a little bit. My doctor's office is approximately 1 - 1 1/2 hours away. I was on my way home, about half way home, when my doctor's office called. I braced myself, expecting that horrible horrible news that I just knew I was going to get. The nurse said that my results came back and that it was positive for pregnancy. WHAT! I said "IT IS?!". She said that my results came back with my HCG levels being a 43. She said that we caught my pregnancy very early on and that I would need to come back in for more tests later in the week. I asked the nurse if they could check my progesterone levels also and she said that they could test those levels from the same blood they drew that day. I was so excited, shocked, happy, and thankful. I didn't know what to do. I pulled over on the side of the road and just cried. I cried and cried and cried. I cried tears of joy. I had cried tears of pain, frustration, anger, and sadness for 14 months and now I was finally pregnant! I wanted to call Steve. I knew he was at work but I just couldn't wait. I tried to call him and his phone did not have service. I tried to pull myself together to finish the drive home. I knew it would be better to tell him in person. I called my Mom and asked her to pray for me. I told her that I didn't want to talk about it right now but that GOD knew what it was about. I also called my cousins, Josh and DJ, and asked them the same thing. I know that they all must have thought something terrible was wrong because I called them crying asking them to pray for me. I picked up supper for Steve and I on the way home. When I arrived home Steve was already there. I honked the horn so he would come outside, knowing he would think it was just to help me get the food out of the car. He came out to the car and I asked him for a hug. We were hugging and I whispered in his ear "I'm pregnant". He jumped back and asked "are you serious". I told him that I was and that the doctor had called me on my way home. He got this deer in the headlights look and started stumbling until he finally rested on the hood of my car. I just cried and cried again. Happy tears. We both were so shocked that it happened the month we "stopped" trying.

I am a very impatient person. This is something that I have really been trying to work on. When I want something, I want it NOW. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. There is a time for everything. I also believe that things have to happen in GOD's time, not ours. I'm embarrased to say that I felt as if though I was losing my faith while we were trying to conceive for so long. I was mad, frustrated, and sad. I thought that it wasn't fair that we hadn't had kids yet. It wasn't fair all these people having a dozen babies or people who had babies who didn't even want them or that treated them badly. Why not us? We were good people. We were in a stable loving relationship. Steve has a great job and we were ready for children. Why did GOD not give us what we wanted so badly? I really don't know what the reason was. Maybe to restore my faith in GOD, restore religion in my life. Maybe to bring Steve and I closer together. Maybe to ensure that we would appreciate and be thankful for the gift that GOD was going to give us. Maybe to help me with my patience.

I am so very thankful to GOD everyday that he has blessed us with this child. My GOD is an awesome GOD! He has the master plan, he knows what he is doing. I just cannot express how grateful and thankful I am that God gave Steve and I this blessing, this blessing that is our baby. I already love our baby so much, with all of my heart.