Stand in the corner and scream with me

I love music. Music is very soothing and calming to me. I like to listen to music when I'm driving, when I'm cleaning, when I'm doing school work, when I'm taking a shower, and when I'm doing nothing. There is a great online music radio station that I listen to. It has all types of genres of music. I especially like the top alternative station. I heard a song by Mudvayne, a group I usually don't like too well. The song is Stand in the corner and scream with me. I really like it. It's been stuck in my head, playing over and over like a broken record.

This morning after I woke up I went to the bathroom. I started using my CBE fertility monitor this AM. I did not have to take a test, peeing on sticks will start on CD6. However, I do have to turn the CBE FM on every morning and see if it asks for a test. When I was in the bathroom the craziest thought ran across my mind. What if I am pregnant? What? Why in the world would I even think that I could be pregnant right now. AF is here, like big time. I thought about peeing on a stick, an HPT. Why oh why oh why do I think like this. Am I just a POASaholic? Is TTC driving me crazy? Sometimes it feels like it is. Oh, like for an example, when I am on CD2 with AF still here and I think about taking an HPT because I *might* be pregnant. Or, when I take a test, doesn't matter what kind of test, could be an HPT or OPK, and I search for the line. I turn the pee stick this way and that way. I stand on one leg holding my nose hopping across the bathroom to find the best light to see that all too elusive line. Or, when it seems like everything around me is shouting babies babies babies. Like an automotive insurance commercial, hate that one, makes me cry every time. Or like TV shows that have pregnant characters or characters who just had a baby or characters who just had a M/C or characters who wanted a baby so badly that they made their body think they were pregnant (thanks DOOL). I think it's just because TTC is the main thing on my mind most days, most hours, most minutes, heck, most every second. I try to keep myself busy. I try to keep myself distracted. School work is a nice distraction and it's something I've got to do most everyday. Planning our WDW trip is a nice distraction. At least it is giving me something to look forward to. I like scrapbooking and doing arts and crafts stuff. I finally set up my little scrapbooking/crafts corner in the computer room. It's a small area but it's nice and organized and it's all mine! There are pictures I need to have printed so that I can do more scrapbooking. Now that I have my scrapbooking station I can work on a page for as long as I want to. If I need to leave it and finish it the next day I'll be able to. So that is a nice distraction. I like to crochet. I've been working on S a blanket since the year we got married, so that has been over 5 years and I still haven't finished it. I get on a crocheting kick and I'll work on it for a day or 2 and then I won't work on it for months. Speaking of crocheting, when I was organizing my scrapbooking/craft station, I found some yarn that I had bought a long time ago. It is for a baby blanket. The baby that S and I have dreamed about for so long. I put it on the bottom of my yarn basket. Hopefully we'll have our baby, our miracle, soon and I can start working on their blanket.

If you are TTC and feel like it is driving you a little crazy from time to time, go ahead and stand in the corner and scream with me. It helps.