Where is my golden ticket?

Last night was the premiere of Parenthood on NBC. The previews were promising and it had limited commercial interruption so I watched it. While I was watching it I started to wonder if I should even be watching this show about parenthood. S and I are not parents. This show is specifically designed for people with children. I started to feel as if you needed a special golden ticket to be allowed to watch this show. A ticket S and I don't have. A ticket we want more than anything in the world. A ticket we have longed for and tried for. A ticket we did have at one time before a cruel twist of fate blew the wind our way taking our special golden ticket with it. Am I going to watch this show again. Probably. I'm a gluten for punishment. Need proof? Last night while going to bed I decided to watch a little bit of television because I was not sleepy. S drifted off right away because yesterday was his 9th straight day of work, only 3 days to go before he gets a break. What show did I pick? Pushing the knife a little bit harder and deeper into my scarred up heart I choose to watch I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. See what I mean about being a gluten for punishment. I watched 2 episodes of this program. 2 episodes and 3 stories later I turned off the TV in disgust. Not disgust at the show or the women on the show but at myself. Why? I don't know. Maybe because I feel like a failure that I can't give S and I what we want the most, a baby to complete our family. Oh, and I saw on E! News last night that Kate Gosselin is going to be on Dancing With The Stars. She's going to all these premiers, book tours, DWTS, what else? She has 8 kids at home. 8! All S and I want is 1 (we would be happy with as many children as God or life or whatever has in store for us, 1, 2, 3, or more!). I got p*ssed. Shouldn't she be at home with her kids? I would have so much more respect for her if she was at home taking care of her kids, cooking them dinner, helping them with homework, and tucking them into bed instead of running around like she is some kind of celebrity. I mean she wanted these kids, right? She went through treatments (IUI I think) to have them so why does it seem like she is taking this great gift, this great blessing, for granted? I would not want to waste a minute, a second of being away from my kids. Ugh. I just get so frustrated sometimes, well, actually, a lot of the times. Where is my friggin golden ticket into the joys of parenthood?