Please don't take my sunshine away - Part 4

It's funny how your feelings about pregnancy can change in such a short period of time. With my first u/s appointment I was so happy and excited to get to see jellybean. The next u/s was a little more stressful because I was waiting to see if things had progressed. The third u/s was awful. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to hear the news that things were still not progressing and that our baby was not growing. I didn't want to lose our little miracle. We had wanted this for so very long, we had tried for this for so very long and now it could be taken away in the blink of an eye. I still had a glimmer of hope as I layed down for my 3rd u/s. Maybe the baby had grown...maybe everything was going to be okay. I wish that had of been the case but it wasn't. Things had not progressed since my last u/s. Actually the gestational sac was now measuring 6 weeks 0 days and was sitting lower in my uterus, about in the middle. There was no baby, no fetal pole, no heartbeat, no yolk sac. The baby had stopped developing at around 6 weeks. The u/s tech asked me again if I had experienced any bleeding. NO! I haven't had any bleeeding or spotting. I still felt pregnant why wasn't the baby growing? I didn't cry this time. I was numb. I didn't want to feel the hurt and pain I knew was growing inside of me, hurt and pain that was growing instead of our baby. I didn't want to feel like I was dying. The doctor spoke with S and I and said that things had not developed and I still had the choice of miscarrying naturally or having a D&C procedure. My body still thought I was pregnant. It did not realize that the baby had stopped developing. The doctor said it could be days or weeks before my body caught on to what was happening. I didn't want to wait. I don't like to wait. I didn't want to feel anxious everyday waiting for the bleeding to start. S was on vacation that week (some vacation, huh) so we choose the D&C procedure. S would be at home with me for the rest of the week. We would have time to spend together and mourn the loss of our baby. I was scheduled to come in the following morning and have the surgery.....