miscarriage emotions

I have never been an "artist". I can not draw or paint worth a hill of beans. I can barely draw a stick man. However, I find painting and drawing to be very therapeutic. I do get frustrated when I can't put on paper what I am feeling, what I am intending to be on the paper. This drawing was done with pastels. I love using them. They are fun to use and you can blend them to make different colors and shades. Your hands get messy but hey, I have soap and water. I wanted to put on paper my miscarriage emotions and feelings. I wanted to express these feelings without words. I knew I wanted to use the color black for the center of the page. For me, black represents some of my worst feelings, depression, and a feeling like there is no way out. The red symbolizes a lot of things and feelings. First, red represents the blood, my miscarriage. It also represents anger and fear. I wanted to blend out the red so that it got lighter towards the edges where I included white. The white is like the little ray of sunshine of hope that has slowly reentered my mind and body. The center of the page is supposed to be a representation of me holding mine and S's baby. I wanted it to look like the wind was blowing me and the baby away, like dust. I know this is by no means a "masterpiece". I know that I am not an "artist" and that most people will look at this and see nothing but a big blob of red and black. But for me, it is a "masterpiece". It is my feelings poured out onto paper for the whole world to see.